What is Parental Alienation and why write a book about it?

The Invisible Parent is a book that talks about the struggles of a working dad in the context of divorce and the fight to spend time with his kids.

I chose to write this book via a ghost writer, Andrew Walker, and to frame my story in a documentary style to help others with the reality of divorce and the secrecy of the family courts. It was important to remain anonymous to protect my children against any further pain and enable the book to use the inside story in the public interest.

The book addresses Parental Alienation (PA), defined by CAFCASS as the ‘psychological manipulation of a child by one parent to reject the other parent’.

My experience was truly horrific, and my children suffered terribly with the consequences of PA in the form of mental health issues leading to self-harm and internet grooming, but the effects are far reaching, and my story is by no means unique.

The driver of the book was simply to expose the inconsistencies of family law and many related services, but more importantly to help working dads understand the unseen risk of a bitter ex-partner and the intent to destroy the strongest bond of all.

Within the book I explain how to identify the early warning signs and how to think about the process of divorce and life post-divorce. I learned the hard way—and my children suffered—but I want to help others from making the same mistakes and be more aware of the loopholes in the system.

PA is a terrible form of abuse and often misunderstood until it’s too late, and a loving dad is systematically removed from the lives of his kids (of course PA can occur the other way round too). It happens behind the scenes—and almost by stealth—as the alienator creates chaos and a false reality to convince the children that they should no longer love their dad. This happens far too often and creates enormous conflict within a child as they split their personality in order to cope—this then leads to mental health consequences and academic underperformance.

The alienator will shout their story from the rooftops to anyone who will listen and will always be one step ahead of you. Schools, friends and family are often manipulated to believe that you have somehow, almost overnight, become a terrible father, having been wonderful before the divorce.

In the book, I touch upon the slow-motion car crash I experienced as everyone I asked to help turned a blind eye or made the situation far worse while my kids fell apart. I also encourage the reader to think about the process and problems in a more constructive way to help navigate life post-divorce and avoid the family courts as much as possible.

Ultimately, all kids need their dads and that relationship is critical to creating well-rounded adults in the modern world. My goal for The Invisible Parent is that you never make the mistakes I have made and always know how low the alienator is prepared to stoop as they use their kids as a weapon to inflict pain.

Read more:

A guide to digital divorce for working dads

How to talk to your kids about bullying

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