David built a bond with his baby during Shared Parental Leave

 

David Pautsch could be forgiven for finding the return to work after Shared Parental Leave particularly daunting. He went straight into a new job!

David delayed joining education and qualifications company Pearson so he could have a chunk of time with his daughter.

“I never thought about not taking Shared Parental Leave,” says David.  “I commute and work long hours sometimes and I knew that those first few months were vital to develop a bond. So I wanted to have that bond and make it as strong as possible should it be tested when I may be absent later on.”

Flexibility

David took three months Shared Parental Leave before starting at Pearson as a senior development manager. He manages a team who put together new educational qualifications and assessments.

Pearson were happy to wait to get their man. And the flexibility didn’t stop there. “When I took the job I said I need to leave early one day a week to collect my daughter from nursery,” explains David. “In practice two days a week I either work from home or go early to pick up Lilly. I’ve had multiple managers and it’s never been a problem.”

David’s experience at work points up the importance of supportive and understanding managers in making life as a working parent succeed. And where employees get good managers they are likely to be grateful and loyal. “I cannot thank them enough,” adds David. “I appreciate that flexibility is a two way street.”

Focus

The experience has also given David some strong views on how bosses should cover a man’s Shared Parental Leave. Generally a woman would be replaced in the workplace for the duration of her maternity leave. But the college David was working at before going on SPL, and before joining Pearson, chose not to replace him for the three months he was off. David reckons that’s not the way to go about it. “If you’re doing Shared Parental Leave you’ve got to commit to it and make sure work doesn’t get in the way,” he says. “If everyone is covering bits of your job then I would want to be in on the emails to make sure it’s all OK. But you need to be able to switch off from work completely and focus on this thing that needs all your attention – your child.”

There’s no doubt SPL needs tweaked in law and in practice.

But it does broadly work for those that take it in its current form.

Shared Parental Leave seems to have made David a better employee. He says he came back to work from SPL refreshed and raring to go. And knowing he’d built up that bond with Lilly allowed him to focus on work. However he admits sending Lilly – who is now three-and-a-half – to nursery at first was hard. “I underestimated the guilt,” he cringes. “It’s taken a year to get over that guilt!”

Gender stereotypes

David chose to take his three months of SPL alone. “It was really important to have that one one one time with Lilly,” he says. His wife returned to work after six months, but she set things up for David.

“I got involved with the NCT mums group,” he laughs. “They were all very welcoming and invited me for coffee and cake.”

He was the only dad at rhymetime though. “A lot of dads say they financially can’t afford SPL. But I think a lot of that is due to the gender stereotype of being the breadwinner. There’s a sort of macho thing of not doing parenting.” He’s advice for dads like that. “Get over it! The most important thing is this baby that needs looking after.

“I’m surprised that so few men decide to do it but those first months are crucial to create a bond. For me two weeks of paternity leave just wasn’t enough.”

As well as advice David drew up a funny list of observations that he’d noticed during his time on SPL just before he went back to work. He says they’ve struck a chord with mums and dads that have read them. So here they are in full:

David’s lessons of SPL

1.  There is more than one verse to Row Your Boat and Hickory Dickory Dock..who knew?
2. Nursery Rhymes are more catchy than any pop song. So often found myself humming or singing a nursery rhyme without knowing it.
3. Sometimes you need the animal knowledge of Noah to make Old MacDonalds Farm work. There are never enough verses.
4. Not all baby changing facilities are equal. Newport Pagnell services needs to be condemned.
5. People in John Lewis don’t appreciate Lilly exploring her vocal chords.
6. Getting stuck in a traffic jam with a baby is no fun, especially with an exploding nappy.
7. Parent/Child parking spaces are never used by parents…unless they are collecting their pension whilst bringing up a baby.
8. Everybody in a supermarket will stop you if you are with a baby. Favourite moment is when one man accused Lilly of giving him a death stare.
9. Check, check and check again the changing bag. Having to buy nappies whilst needing one is a messy and not to be repeated experience.
10. I’d recommend shared parental leave to anyone..it was an emotional, draining but brilliant experience

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• Tags:
• Shared Parental Leave gender equality flexible working practices employee rights

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